If I had the DNA of June Clever, the motivation of hundreds, the energy of thousands, and if unrealistic expectations were actually realistic, this is how a typical Monday would go:
6:00 AM Wake up feeling refreshed after five hours of sleep. Shower. Fix myself up to look real nice.
7:00 AM Awaken the Husband with a good morning kiss. Iron his clothes for him and make lunch for him to take to work.
7:30 AM Cook wholesome delicious breakfast for the husband and boys. Read a few pages from a novel whilst doing so.
8:00 AM Kids wake-up and rush into the kitchen showering me with love. I dress them in clean clothes and comb their hair.
8:15 AM We all fill our bellies with the hearty breakfast I made and we smile at each other repeatedly. Some of the children's food ends up on the floor but no matter! That's what a broom is for. I quickly clean it up, do the dishes, and say goodbye to the husband as he heads off to work.
9:00 AM I call school into session and teach the boys a riveting lesson about different world cultures, followed by a thorough run through of the alphabet in English and French.
10:00 AM Educational playtime. This includes nature walks, reading while running, and marbles while doing squats. If weather permits, we put on our helmets, knees pads, elbow pads, and teeth guard and take a bike ride around the neighborhood.
11:00 AM Run errands while the kids behave excellently in the car and in the stores. They are rewarded with a trip to the P-A-R-K where they use up their last reserves of energy.
12:00 PM Lunchtime. I make a homemade meal from scratch and the children wait patiently in the kitchen while I prepare it. We eat and talk and laugh. Again some of their food ends up on the floor, but I bring out my ever faithful broom again. No problem.
1:00 PM Naptime. The children nap soundly. While they do so, I write thank you notes to anyone who did something nice for me the previous week. I do any prep work necessary for dinner. Then I take care of any cleaning that can be done quietly, i.e. dusting, watering plants, sorting mail, arranging/ fluffing pillows. If time permits I check email, read worthwhile blogs, leave a comment on each one, write up a fantastic blog post of my own. Then I paint my toenails.
3:00 PM Children awaken bright eyed and cheery. They play together nicely while I exercise in the living room. Then we all do some sit-ups together just for good measure.
3:30 PM Dance time. I turn on some lively classical numbers and we dance around the room. This serves the purpose of exercise, coordination, music appreciation, and bonding.
4:00 PM Reading time. First I read to them, then they read to me. Even the 20 month old does this because I've devoted hours to teaching him. My devotion has paid off.
5:00 PM Cook dinner while the kids clean up their toys and their bedrooms.
6:00 PM Husband arrives home right on time. Dinner is served. We talk about how productive the day was, and how wonderful the meal is. Unavoidably some food ends up on the floor, but I have my trusty broom ready. Do dishes.
7:00 PM Family time. Activities include a rousing game of guess who, 20 questions, and duck, duck goose.
8:00 PM Bath time for the children if necessary. Usually it is.
8:30 PM Bedtime for the children. Bedtime stories, hugs and kisses. Done.
9:00 PM The Husband and I discuss world news, our retirement funds, and any upcoming vacation plans. He rubs my back because I humbly admit that it is sore.
10:30 PM Husband goes to bed while I stay up and catch up on random interests such as writing and illustrating a children's book, editing photographs, and tweezing. Publish blog post after editing it.
12:00 AM Write a list of what needs to be done tomorrow. Complete daily skin care ritual. Brush AND floss teeth. Make sure nothing has been left out that a four year old or a two year old can get into the next morning, just in case.
1:00 AM Check on the children. Go to bed.
Now, what a Monday in my household is REALLY like:
8:00 AM Husband is getting ready ready for work. Children wake up. I am not awake.
8:30 AM Husband says goodbye to me. I just groan in response. Get out of bed, and get the kids breakfast. Cereal and fruit. Lay down on the couch and sort of fall asleep again.
9:00 AM Realize there is a mess of food all over the floor. Tell the kids to pick up after themselves.
10:00 AM Eat breakfast myself, then get the kids dressed.
11:00 AM Attempt to teach Bosco how to write more letters and numbers. Bubba throws blocks around in the other room.
12:00 PM Try to get them to pick stuff up.
12:30 PM Lunch for the kids. Peanut butter sandwiches it is. Food on the floor. Decide not to waste my time sweeping because dinnertime will be the same story.
1:30 PM Naptime for the kids! Or attempted naptime, since the weekend has thrown them off schedule.
2:00 PM Eat my own lunch in peace. Take a nap or blog depending on which seems more entertaining at the time and if the kids are cooperating.
3:30 PM Kids wake each other up. I am not awake.
4:00 PM Play something or go outside. Probably won't go outside though because I'm still in my pajamas.
5:00 PM Try to get the kids to pick stuff up. Attempt to make something edible for dinner. Kids fight. Both end up in time outs crying.
6:00 PM Headache of the century. Husband gets home. Dinner is served. Kids won't eat it. "Five bites and you can be done." Sweep up most of it off the floor. Dishes can wait until tomorrow.
7:00 PM Family time. I and the Husband can barely keep our eyes open during a session of blocks and legos. Postpone bath to tomorrow.
8:00 PM Bedtime for the kiddies.
8:30 PM Still attempting bedtime.
9:00 PM Veg on the couch, appearing lifeless. Apparently still attempting bedtime for the kids.
10:00 PM Catch my second wind. Shower and change into a fresh pair of pajamas.
11:00 PM Bedtime for the Husband. Adios. Think about doing a lot of worthwhile things. Instead stay up and watch TV and/or read blogs and eat popcorn (okay, chocolate too).
1:30 AM Throw some water on my face and brush my teeth. Even lazy people brush their teeth.
2:00 AM Walk aimlessly through the house forgetting what I was going to do. Decide to go to bed.
Apparently not only do I lack June Clever genes, but I barely have the motivation of one person and hardly the energy of half a person. On Mondays anyway. I think the rest of the week is slightly better. Slightly.