I had planned for this weekend to be an exact repeat of last weekend, except this time I was going to add a Big Bowl of Popcorn, perhaps a few chick flicks, tweezing, a couple new layers of nail polish, a bubble bath, a closet overhaul, and some solitude. All to be enjoyed by myself. No other creature, man or beast, was to be in sight. I even planned on wearing earrings if you can imagine. Those lovely earlobes of mine had been feeling indecently naked for quite a while. I dare not reveal the exact time lest you take me for a heathen.
I tend to get in moods like this when I am feeling a little too mannish for my ever diligent female self. And she is so diligent, bless her heart. A family of boys requires her to be so.
There are different things I must use to gauge the seriousness of said manliness, including the length of my leg hair, the number of unwanted hairs on my chin (I would venture to say there is not one that is actually wanted), the state of the polish on my toe nails, the raggedness of my cuticles, the roughness of my skin, the tameness of my eyebrows, the deepness of my voice, the effervescence of my spirit, the pleasant smellingness of all that is around me, the orderliness of my closet, the stockfulness of delicious things in the pantry to eat, and the general feminine aura exuded from my being.
After careful examination, I found the seriousness of my manliness to be extreme. The boys were kind enough to offer their own opinions too.
--The Husband said my feet were rough, rougher than his. He deduced that this was because I refused to wear socks in the summer. I deduced that my behavior was normal, and that using a pumice stone was a better alternative to hot constricted stinky soft feet.
--Bosco told me to use my “normal voice” one morning. When I told him it was my normal voice he simply said, “No. Mommies don’t sound like guys.”
--Bubba found his way into my closet and caught sight of the mess that is my shoe collection. Even though he can’t speak, he looked up at me with pity in his eyes and said, “You are not my mother.”
Hence my plans for this weekend . . .
Well you know what they say, The best laid plans almost never come to fruition dummy, or something like that.
Let’s just say I was only able to cross off two things from my to-do list. Big Bowl of Popcorn? Check. Earrings to cover up my nude ears? Wearing them right now.
I’ll tell you tomorrow what was important enough to put my realignment of feminine properties on hold. Also thank you for voting for me on TopMommyBlogs. I feel special. And hello to new followers! I heart you and your little dog too.