Guaranteed, or your money back

If ever you find yourself in need of a shot of estrogen to the system, like I found myself desperately seeking this weekend, don’t go to the usual suspects to get your fix: bubble baths, a good pair of tweezers, movies like The Princess Bride, Never Been Kissed, and um, Last of the Mohicans.
I don’t care how dreamy it is to hear someone passionately promise that he will find you, no matter what occurs, these things cannot match the amount of femaleness you will soak into your being if you follow the instructions below.

Trust me. I tried this. You will be dripping with frilly female hormones afterwards.

This is what you do. You go to your nearest and dearest sister, friend, etc, who just happens to be harboring a baby in her uterus. If the gestating baby is also female in gender, this will triple the estrogen output.

Then what you need to do is offer to throw this mama-to-be a baby shower.

Then you will get together with other willing ladies to plan this baby shower.

Invitations will be first on the to-do list. DO peruse hundreds of goo-goo ga-ga invites online and in stores. DO decide on one that is girlie, pink, and precious. DON’T decide to print the invitations out yourself to save money though. This will only result in frustration, and sore fists. Not very lady-like, and you will regress in your daintiness. DON’T go to your nearest Kinkos in search of help. The people who work there are generally unhappy fellows and they cannot help you on your quest. DO return home, take a deep breath, eat something sinfully sweet, and let your fabulous brain problem-solve your invitation dilemmas into a cheerful success. DO decide to save the rest of the preparations for another day before the sight of scrapbooking supplies sets off your gag reflex.

I promise you, with the power of all the rainbows in the world, that doing the above mentioned activity will leave you feeling fine and fancy, with your ovaries working overtime. And you won't even need to worry about that unibrow.


Kristina P. said...

Yes! I love throwing showers and parties. Too fun.

The Atomic Mom said...

Ohhhh, lurvers me some Daniel Day Lewis....hmmm! Yes, now I feel the estrogen dripping off my fingertips as I type.

The redhead said...

Kristina-I'm too much of a perfectionist for this to be enjoyable. I am never satisfied.

Atomic Mom-I know right. I should have added that you can go ahead and watch any of his movies after planning a baby shower. This is sure to put you in an estrogen coma. However, lately D.D.L is not floating my boat. Have you seen him? He's . . . greyish.

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