I can’t believe I’m going to tell y’all this. It sort of makes me feel like a cave woman living with her cave family in a cave, den if you will, snacking on day old dinosaur meat and washing it all down with a hand-scoop of fresh swamp water. Yes, that pretty much sums up how I feel when I tell people I don’t have a cell phone.
You heard it straight from the cave woman herself. My family does not own a cell phone. Smart phone? What’s that? Texting? Sounds creepy? Being able to be reached by cellular technology 24/7? Sounds like a nightmare.
Let me clarify a few things though before you totally think me bonkers.
One: I had a cell phone when I was single and cool. When the Husband and I got married the cell phone went and college tuition stayed. I did however keep that trusty old Nokia of mine as a memento. People laugh when they see it. You're probably wondering why people see it? Well that's because the Husband likes to show it to visitors.
Two: I would like a cell phone. I am not anti-cell phone. The husband is. The thought of wanting to be “reachable” whenever, wherever perplexes him. Probably disgusts him a little too.
Three: The Husband is not unwilling to compromise. When I was preggers with Bosco and birth was imminent, I
made requested that we get one of those pay-as-you-go cell phones. He obliged. Turns out though that all I had to do to let him know I was in labor was turn over in bed and tell him my water just broke. Bummer. He did get to use the cell phone a few hours later though to call his parents and tell them their first grandbaby had arrived, which he did right after he spent a few minutes trying to figure out how to use the cell phone. Tee hee.
Four: We still have that very same pay-as-you-go cell phone. I carry it around occasionally in case of emergencies when we are traveling. But you must know that this phone barely qualifies as a phone. It is not smart. It is not even semi-smart. It is only just barely averagely smart. And smart isn’t even the right word for it. Plus it looks like this:
That's a potato.
Only sillier, slightly thinner, and less edible.
Five: So technically I do have a cell phone, but not in the terms a cell phone has come to mean these days. Technology is passing us by, and the Husband usually doesn’t seem to care one bit.
At least this is what I thought until yesterday about 6:08 P.M., when the Husband revealed to me what he is getting me for Christmas/my upcoming birthday. I didn’t even think to measure how far my jaw dropped.
I’ve got to admit I didn’t see that one coming. It’s not a cell phone, but apparently the Husband is willing to go to totally illogical lengths to distract me from that fact. Dag nabbit it worked.
Note: It is absolutely, probably, most likely possible that tiny green alien life forms are currently inhabiting my Husband's body. Has this ever happened to any of you? What should I do?