Friday Confessions: Something that gives me clammy hands

I know today isn’t Friday, according to most of the calendars circulating out there. But if someone can randomly decide that everyone’s astrological sign has suddenly changed, someone’s entire identity has become null and void, then I think I can mess with the days of the week if I so choose.

And according to my mass body index, today is actually Friday. Who knows what it will say next week! It’s sort of exciting to not know what day of the week it is.

And before I forget, I am and forever will be an Aquarius. There is no way I’m giving up claim on one of the most trippy hippie songs of all time. This little video montage sums it up quite nicely. (That’s a link. Click on it my friends. And holy crap did you see the lady riding a unicorn through a rainbow? I mean holy crap! That’s just so like an Aquarius. I dream about doing that stuff all the time).

Anyway, I was going to confess something, seeing as how today is Friday and all.

Well folks, it may come as some or no surprise, but I have a fear of escalators. No joke. I think it stems from something that happened to me as a child. It’s a fuzzy blurry memory, but enough of it remains to cause me anxiety every single time I encounter the Moving Stairs of Death. The memory goes something like this: Me. On an escalator. Minding my own business. Family is also on the escalator. My coat or shoe or something gets stuck. End of escalator is fast approaching. Panic. Panic. Fear. Dad cannot get me loose. Fuzzy.

I assume someone was able to release me from the evil clenches the escalator had because I’m here today to tell my story. But the anxiety lives on.

I also inherently have horrible coordination and balance so you can see why I feel the Moving Stairs of Death have really been put on this Earth to torment me.

Needless to say, malls, airports, large mansions always get my guts in a twist. But I do it. I face that fear. Rather than take the normal Unmoving Stairs or a Semi-claustrophobic Elevator, I step up to that evil thing, pause, hesitate until it’s slightly embarrassing to me and company, then put my foot on that awful contraption. And as I’m being carried up or down, because they go both ways ya know, I feel a little shaky, sweaty, and flustered. And I grip the hand rail like Satan himself is trying to pull me down to hell. Then it’s time to step off. And step off I do.

But you see the whole time I’m facing this fear, I’m having visions of all the horrible things that could happen to me. Like this . . .

 . . . which may make some people laugh. Okay I laughed too, but mostly it just makes me nervous and a little sad and a little that could happen to me and I’m not even an old man.

Well if I do suffer the same fate one day, I'm telling you right here and now, I want the Keyboard Cat to play me off.

Then Jupiter will align with Mars, and so on and so forth.


Bonnie said...

Whenever I get on an escalator, I go all Will Ferrell in "Elf" and have to wait a couple of seconds before I get on, like I'm priming myself for the big jump onto the stair or something. By the time I decide to jump, it is usually almost too late because of my hesitation, and I nearly miss the stair every time. It's a horrible cycle. Mr. A makes fun of me for it.


Kristina P. said...

I think this is a totally normally fear. Like being afraid of babies.

The Atomic Mom said...

In a totally ironic twist, one of your side bar ads was for a chair-lift. But I totally get the afraid of escalators thing. I do remember falling on the escalators at Sears when I was 5. I was terrified for years. I still don't like them...and I'm 37. :)

As for still being an Aquarius...lucky! There are no songs about Cancers, or Geminis, my new zodaic sign. Just like there were never any stickers or plastic bike liscence plates for a 10 year old girl named Joyce.

Sara Louise said...

I will forever be an Aquarius and no new Zodiac can make me change

The redhead said...

Bonnie- Yes, exactly! Me too!

Kristina- Oh my gosh. What if you encountered a baby while on an escalator? Pretty sure that would be the end of days.

Atomic Mom- I love love ironic side bar ads. Awesome. And I'm glad I'm not alone in this fear of escalators.

Sara Louise- Long live the Aquarius!

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