This is no joke. This is serious.

Wow. That last post was a doozy huh. And long. My was it long.

Never fear though. Currently an effort is being made to keep today's post below 5,000 words.

Speaking of effort, I’ve been trying to keep my face up. By this I mean maintaining areas, ON MY FACE, so it doesn’t seem like I don’t care about people who have to look at me. I care. And since I believe plastic surgery should be reserved for people who have birthed three plus babies at one time, and for people who need it or else they will die, I can’t jump on that bandwagon. Therefore, I’ve got to work with what I have.

Today I watched a TV segment on how to have the perfect eyebrows. Once upon a time I had these without even having to pick up a pair of tweezers or an eyebrow pencil. Many a person told me I was blessed and should thank my Heavenly Father for the eyebrows that were perfectly situated above my eyeballs. They were proportionate, full, arched just so, as well as fully functional. Nary a drop of sweat made its way past those luscious brows of mine.

Here we are some ? years later, and my eyebrows have taken a turn, for the worse of course. I don’t know when or where it happened. All that matters is that it happened. They require constant up keep and attention now. And that’s just to get them looking okay, not even fabulous.

They’ve thinned out, lost their arch, and gone astray. The follicles that used to align themselves in proper eyebrow fashion have now moved to other places on my face. Hair repositioning I think is the actual scientific term. It’s true. Hair that once was right exactly where it should have been, decided to pack their bags and move to places like Lower Forehead, Temples, Chin, Sideburn, and Upper Lip, leaving the land of Brow in a sad sad state. 

So here’s my predicament in a nutshell:

It appears as though I’ve got a mutiny on my hands, or my face. Oh crap. What if my hands join in soon? I just don’t think I could handle hairy knuckles . . . or even worse hairy fingernails. That mental picture alone is enough motivation for me to keep these scoundrels at bay. No matter how much tweezing and shameful practices I must partake in, I will not allow this. Not by the hair on my chinny chin chin.

I know I’m not the only one with this affliction. I’ve seen those chops you’ve been trying to tame, and that chin that glistens in direct sunlight. You can take refuge here my friend.


Sara Louise said...

Someone should have warned us this was going to happen! Nobody prepared me for the random hairs that would pop up! WTF?

Gorilla Bananas said...

You ladies need to get over your hair phobia. Is a cat ugly because it has hair on its face?

The redhead said...


G.B.-Um, actually I don't like cats so yeah they are ugly. And I guess it's not that hair makes me feel ugly. It just makes me feel mannish. And, well, I'm not a man. Yet.

Kristina P. said...

I've had thinning eyebrows for a while. I definitely pencil in a bit.

I was at the State Fair on Friday, and there was a threading booth. I really should have tried it.

Stacie said...

If it makes you any better, Fijian woman have facial hair. Not like a full beard mind you... but very obvious facial hair. They just get a fresh shave whenever they go in to get their hair cut. Problem solved.

The redhead said...

Kristina-I'v seen that threading and it befuddles me. Let me know if you ever try it.

Stacie. That does not make me feel better. I don't think my stylist would offer me a shave.

Kaylia Payne said...

I did not realise more hairs appeared.. now I am scared!! And thanks for the blog comment :) I'm reading the unabridged version too and if I didn't spend 1-2 hours day on a bus I doubt I would ever get it finished!! Maybe being too poor to own a car has it's perks? :p
I like your blog, this one made me laugh :)

Barbara said...

I think that it's called getting older and the change!

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