No ifs, ands, or buts. I should have known. Period.

WARNING: TABOO SUBJECT AHEAD. Obviously not taboo for me though. I mean, I did share this story with you. So anyway, this past weekend marked the return of my monthly friend . To be honest I thought this would have happened a long time ago. With Bosco it happened about 2 months postpartum. That’s quicker than you can say, “So how are my stitches healing?” I just figured that was Mother Nature’s way of making sure I knew, despite it being mentally out of the question, that my oven was ready for another loaf of bread, and I had better take precaution if I wanted to avoid any further baking. Thank you for the monthly reminder friend.

So post-birth of Bubba, I just expected the same thing to happen. Except this time, month after month passed, and I was living feminine product free. It was kind of nice, but after awhile this started to bother me. It’s not like I wanted to be pregnant again right then. I’m not crazy (hush now). But I wanted to feel like it was a possibility I could consider at some point on the far distant horizon. Like maybe when I come to terms with the stretch marks I now have on top of older stretch marks. Or when the words dilate and push don’t make me see stars. Yeah, maybe then.

March came ‘round and I was sure it was the month. I had all the signs, symptoms, and snarkiness needed. And then nothing. This is when I really started to freak out. Because what is the number one thing you suspect when you feel like the big P is coming and then it doesn’t? That’s right. The other big P, as in preg-a-nan-cy. Well I knew that I wasn’t, but that didn’t stop me from freaking out about it for a couple days.

Enter the month of May. By this time I hadn’t thought about it in awhile. I really should have known though. The moment I got teary while watching a clip on Sesame Street where a mother was teaching her son to ride his bike, I should have immediately known something was on its way. I should have had some inkling of what the dealio was when I told the Husband I needed In-N-Out at 11:30 PM. And when I turned my body a centimeter to the left or right and instantly felt crampy and grouchy, I should have known I needed to head straight to my old stash of Tampax. But no, the thought of  . never crossed my mind. Not until I took a random bathroom break during dinner.
And I’m almost embarrassed at what my reaction was. Yes embarrassed. I just sat there for a few seconds and I swear I time-traveled to my adolescent self. I didn’t know what was going on, what I was supposed to do, who I was supposed to tell. Hoping today wasn't swim day in gym class.

It had, after all, been well over a year since I had last experienced this passage into womanhood, not including birthing a child of course. But I guess the cliché metaphor of it’s like riding a bike applies here. And no joke, the words "It’s all coming back; it’s all coming back to me now" came to mind and I started humming the tune. I've been humming it for the past four days while I've been forced to remember how beastly this visitor can get. But I must say, welcome back friend. Welcome back.


Aubry Macbean said...

That is so odd. My period started this past weekend too. I however was at my brothers house trying to get ready for a wedding in which I was a brides matron. Luckily my husband was a trooper and ran to walmart for me so I wouldn't have to embarass myself and I hopped into the shower. I guess it could have been much worse.

Rainee said...

I am very happy to hear a woman saying: "Thank you" to the period. Because a lot of women hates it. I was like, I haven't had one for six years and you're complaining. It leads to pregnancy!! Women with no period for a long time can't get pregnant! Hooray Sarah

Unknown said...

You will think this sick...one, coming from your MIL! I was quite fond of OB my last several years...I have a nice box of 40, never got to use them, gets me teary.

The redhead said...

Aubry-That is crazy. It's like there's something in the water. So glad you were able to avoid a traumatic situation.

Rainee-Thanks friend.

Cindy-That's not sick! Maybe to your son, but not me :) Actually, he'd probably have no idea what you were talking about. Ha.

Rachel said...

That's hilarious. Did it at least make you feel young to not know what to do at first??? :) (Wait, not that you're old. Don't take it the wrong way.)
I got mine back 6 weeks after my first baby, then 11 weeks after my second. At least it was an improvement.
I totally get the worry of an unexpected pregnancy. I wouldn't complain, but it's not exactly how I'd plan it!

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