No ifs, ands, or buts. I should have known. Period.

WARNING: TABOO SUBJECT AHEAD. Obviously not taboo for me though. I mean, I did share this story with you. So anyway, this past weekend marked the return of my monthly friend . To be honest I thought this would have happened a long time ago. With Bosco it happened about 2 months postpartum. That’s quicker than you can say, “So how are my stitches healing?” I just figured that was Mother Nature’s way of making sure I knew, despite it being mentally out of the question, that my oven was ready for another loaf of bread, and I had better take precaution if I wanted to avoid any further baking. Thank you for the monthly reminder friend.

So post-birth of Bubba, I just expected the same thing to happen. Except this time, month after month passed, and I was living feminine product free. It was kind of nice, but after awhile this started to bother me. It’s not like I wanted to be pregnant again right then. I’m not crazy (hush now). But I wanted to feel like it was a possibility I could consider at some point on the far distant horizon. Like maybe when I come to terms with the stretch marks I now have on top of older stretch marks. Or when the words dilate and push don’t make me see stars. Yeah, maybe then.

March came ‘round and I was sure it was the month. I had all the signs, symptoms, and snarkiness needed. And then nothing. This is when I really started to freak out. Because what is the number one thing you suspect when you feel like the big P is coming and then it doesn’t? That’s right. The other big P, as in preg-a-nan-cy. Well I knew that I wasn’t, but that didn’t stop me from freaking out about it for a couple days.

Enter the month of May. By this time I hadn’t thought about it in awhile. I really should have known though. The moment I got teary while watching a clip on Sesame Street where a mother was teaching her son to ride his bike, I should have immediately known something was on its way. I should have had some inkling of what the dealio was when I told the Husband I needed In-N-Out at 11:30 PM. And when I turned my body a centimeter to the left or right and instantly felt crampy and grouchy, I should have known I needed to head straight to my old stash of Tampax. But no, the thought of  . never crossed my mind. Not until I took a random bathroom break during dinner.
And I’m almost embarrassed at what my reaction was. Yes embarrassed. I just sat there for a few seconds and I swear I time-traveled to my adolescent self. I didn’t know what was going on, what I was supposed to do, who I was supposed to tell. Hoping today wasn't swim day in gym class.

It had, after all, been well over a year since I had last experienced this passage into womanhood, not including birthing a child of course. But I guess the cliché metaphor of it’s like riding a bike applies here. And no joke, the words "It’s all coming back; it’s all coming back to me now" came to mind and I started humming the tune. I've been humming it for the past four days while I've been forced to remember how beastly this visitor can get. But I must say, welcome back friend. Welcome back.


Aubry Macbean said...

That is so odd. My period started this past weekend too. I however was at my brothers house trying to get ready for a wedding in which I was a brides matron. Luckily my husband was a trooper and ran to walmart for me so I wouldn't have to embarass myself and I hopped into the shower. I guess it could have been much worse.

Rainee said...

I am very happy to hear a woman saying: "Thank you" to the period. Because a lot of women hates it. I was like, I haven't had one for six years and you're complaining. It leads to pregnancy!! Women with no period for a long time can't get pregnant! Hooray Sarah

Cindy said...

You will think this sick...one, coming from your MIL! I was quite fond of OB my last several years...I have a nice box of 40, never got to use them, gets me teary.

The redhead said...

Aubry-That is crazy. It's like there's something in the water. So glad you were able to avoid a traumatic situation.

Rainee-Thanks friend.

Cindy-That's not sick! Maybe to your son, but not me :) Actually, he'd probably have no idea what you were talking about. Ha.

Tricarico Family said...

That's hilarious. Did it at least make you feel young to not know what to do at first??? :) (Wait, not that you're old. Don't take it the wrong way.)
I got mine back 6 weeks after my first baby, then 11 weeks after my second. At least it was an improvement.
I totally get the worry of an unexpected pregnancy. I wouldn't complain, but it's not exactly how I'd plan it!

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